Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't deserve a penis
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
