He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
