Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love having hate sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
