thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
