He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
