Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you had me at cake vodka
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
