My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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