Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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