I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
