pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
