It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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