im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
