There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
