I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
