We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
