I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
