you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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