When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
