Why are handjobs necessary in class?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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