Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize