all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
