She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
