Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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