he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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