why didn't you poke me back
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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