sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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