i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize