Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
