I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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