Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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