how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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