I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
