i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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