I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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