great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
