Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
