for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
