I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
