Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
