that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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