i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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