Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
