piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
