distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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