Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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