A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
