You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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