should my penis look like a turkey
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
