I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize