if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
