guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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