Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I deserve this hangover.
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