my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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