we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
