dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
