he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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