I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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