There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
