I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know her cup size but not her name....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
