It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
