Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
