yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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