I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
