I want to make a zoo with you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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