So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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